Goal Setting for Teens

What do you get when you combine the talents, skills, learning abilities, and dreams of your teenager? Someone who is pointed toward success. However, one vital tool is missing - goal setting. With goal setting, you can help your teenager learn the skills necessary to help their dreams become reality.

"I never felt like I could do very much with my life." What a sad statement to make! This adult felt hampered by her situation as a teenager and lacked the necessary environment to feel like her goals could be accomplished. How can you, as a parent, avoid this same scenario?

First, open up communication with your teenager. Have a goal-defining session. Make sure you have plenty of time to work through the following exercise, at least an hour. Have them sit down with a piece of paper and answer questions like the following. Encourage them to be as honest and open as possible and take as much time as needed to answer the questions about themselves. 

• What do I want out of life? 
• What do I most enjoy doing? 
• What gives me joy? 
• What do I value? 
• Who is someone I admire and what characteristics do they have? 
• If I could solve a world problem, what would it be? 
• What am I good at? 
• What makes me motivated? 
• Where do I see myself in 5 years, 10, 15, 50? 
• Where would I like to go?

These and similar questions can help your teenager produce a goal-setting profile. This exercise can be repeated and kept confidential. However, encourage your teen to use it as they begin to set goals in their life. Second, teach your teenager goal-setting strategies. There are some specific steps to setting goals. 

1. Define their goals (wishes are not necessarily goals because some are not probable or even possible to achieve, i.e. "I wish to go to the moon right now.") 
2. Discuss and brainstorm the steps needed to achieve their goals. Do this step for each individual goal. If needed, research the goal online or at the library or talk to school counselors for guidance on how to reach the goal. 
3. Go over the possible roadblocks to accomplishing the goals and how to deal with them. For example, are their financial problems or time constraints to accomplishing the goal? 
4. Make deadlines. Don't be overwhelmed by large goals, set small goals to help meet the large goals. 
5. And finally, have them report on their progress every now and again.

In connection with the final step, a good idea is to set goals and evaluations to work around the school programs. For example, grades can show academic success, or sports programs can show physical prowess. Also, set rewards for accomplishing goals. Talk about how good it feels to meet goals and the rewards that come. Teen goal-setting is a life skill that can take your child far. Watch them grow and succeed as they make their life dreams come true.

Teen Goal Setting Sources:

1. Good Character: Goal Setting - Achieving Goals, [online].
2. Get Motivation.com, Denis Waitly, "Creative Goal-Setting For Kids and Teens," [online].
3. Human Resources Development Canada: Goal-Setting Tips, [online].
4. Goalsuccess.com "What I really want out of life!" Exercise, [pdf online].

8:33 AM by SOOCH · 0

Teen Heartache: Breaking Up ( solution )

Finding yourself agreeing to every sad teen love song playing on the radio? You have probably just broken up with somebody and the emptiness, sadness, and heartache are not fun feelings. This article will give you tips on how to get over a break up and move on.

If you just broke up with him or her, you are likely experiencing many different negative emotions. Here are some things to help get you over the intense first part after the breakup. 

• Clean out: get rid of all the stuff that reminds you of him or her. Or maybe just hide it so that you forget what it means. 
• Avoid your teenage ex: many times teens want to see if anything can be changed or if they can talk their old boyfriend or girlfriend into trying it again. Be very cautious, it can be like ripping off the bandage and keeping the pain fresh. 
• Write: sometimes sitting down and actually writing out all your negative thoughts and feelings can help you blow off steam. Then your writings can serve as a reminder to why you broke off and give yourself future advice in choosing the next boyfriend and girlfriend. 
• Do something fun or totally crazy: many times going out with family or friends can be just the thing you need to de-stress and get happy.

The pain probably won't just go away with these above tips, but they should help. Here are some long-term solutions that can help you move on and avoid emotional problems. 

• Crying can be very healthy. Let it out whenever you need to, however, it is best to do it away from public situations. Find a friend's shoulder to cry on. 
• Keep lines of communication open with family and friends. Talk about what happened and let them comfort you. Discuss things you wish you could change and make goals to better yourself. 
• Reach out. Forgetting your own problems and helping others is a wonderful way to get to know new people and find joy. 
• Keep busy. Do things you like to do and don't get behind on your schoolwork or other activities. 
• Understand that it might take time to get over the break up. The heartache might suddenly appear while listening to a favorite song, etc. Find things to make you happy. 
• Take care of yourself. Maybe change something about your appearance or have a night where you totally pamper yourself. Also, keep up the good eating habits and exercise. Both of those promote positive thoughts and feelings.

And above all, think about you! List all the great talents, abilities, and skills you have. Keep yourself positive about yourself. If needed, have family members or friends help you keep your self-esteem high. You are amazing and hopefully soon, another teen boyfriend or girlfriend will see that.

Teen Heartache: Breaking Up Sources:

1. KidsHealth.org, "Getting Over a Break-Up," [online].
2. Preferredconsumer.com, Teresa Ambord, "Breaking Up is Hard to Do," [online].

8:31 AM by SOOCH · 0

What is Sexual Abuse? you must know it.

Teen sexual abuse occurs when a teenager is abused in a way that can be considered sexual in nature. Teenage sexual abuse most commonly occurs when an adult in a position of power takes advantage of his or her authority to coerce a teen into sexual activity. However, teen sexual abuse does occur between teenagers, often when one wants to display power over another. Even though the victim may be a teenager, if she or he is under the age of 18, it is considered child sexual abuse when the perpetrator is an adult of at least 18 years of age.

Date rape is a form of sexual abuse. It is important to realize that sex involving threats, impaired judgment (due to alcohol or drugs) and coercion does not constitute consensual sex. Also, just because a drugged, drunk or scared person does not resist sex, it does not mean that he or she is not a victim of sexual abuse. Society is moving toward glamorizing rape, and saying that it is actually enjoyed. However, this is rarely the case, and teen sexual abuse in any form is a serious problem. And a crime.

Physical teen sexual abuse

Some child and teen sexual abuse is physical in nature. This means that actual physical contact is made, although it may not necessarily be intercourse. The sexual contact may or may not be painful. Some acts that are classified as sex acts, and that fall under the umbrella of teen sexual abuse include fondling the genital areas of a teenager, oral contact with genitals (either forcing the teen to perform oral sex or performing oral sex on the teenager), penetration with digits (such as fingers), and, of course, vaginal or anal intercourse. Additionally, forcing a teenager to masturbate in front of the perpetrator can be considered physical teen sexual abuse.

Non-physical teen sexual abuse

Sexual abuse does not need to involve physical contact or sexual intercoursebetween the perpetrator and the victim in order for it to be considered abuse. Exposure on the part of the perpetrator is considered sexual abuse. Additionally, voyeurism, which is basically being a "peeping tom," is considered teen sexual abuse. Some sexual abuse perpetrators set up recorders in teenagers' rooms so that they can record and watch them. This is a form of teen sexual abuse. Child pornography is also considered non-physical sexual abuse. It is important to note that degrading sexual comments can also be considered a form of teen sexual harassment, if not teen sexual abuse.

Who is most affected by teen sexual abuse?

While females seem to be sexually abused as teenagers more than males, race, economic status and culture do not appear to play a role in the likelihood of being victimized by sexual abuse. And it is difficult to get information on male teen sexual abuse due to the reluctance of males to report being abused sexually. Additionally, our society puts a premium on sexual activity in males, and so male teenagers who may have had non-consensual sex are encouraged to be proud of their sexual activity after the fact.

What is Sexual Abuse? Main Source Material:

• "Understanding Child Sexual Abuse," American Psychological Association. [Online.]

8:23 AM by SOOCH · 0

Why Teens Commit Suicide

Why would teens with their whole lives ahead of them decide to kill themselves? It's a question that haunts parents, friends, and even strangers when a teenager commits suicide.

Overwhelming Hopelessness

As you grew into your adulthood, you slowly learned that you had control of most things that happened in your life. Through experience and trial-and-error, you gained knowledge and the tools necessary to solve your problems the best that you could. However, you can recollect times when you felt completely overwhelmed and hopeless. Maybe you lost your job or found out that you had cancer. In that moment of hearing the horrible news, you may have been ready to give up. Somehow though, you managed to pull through with the resources you had and support from others.

For teenagers, sometimes their overwhelming hopelessness is enough to cause them to take their own lives. Most teens who survive suicide attempts say that they tried to kill themselves because they were trying to escape a situation that seemed impossible to deal with, or they were trying to escape overwhelming feelings like rejection, guilt, anger, or sadness (1).

What Causes These Feelings?

The kinds of problems that teenagers face may be different from those of adults, but the problems are very real to the teens that are facing them. Teenagers face the pressures of trying fit in socially, to perform academically, and to act responsibly (2). Teens are given more freedom which means more responsibility that they are sometimes not ready to handle. If a teen is facing a problem and has nobody to talk to, they may feel neglected, unwanted, and alone. If a teen continues to encounter their problems alone, they may become overwhelmed and think that suicide is the only way out.

How Depression Fits In

Because mental illness is the leading cause of suicidal feelings, it is important to learn how illnesses such as depression affect teenagers (3). Depression may lead teenagers to focus on their failures and disappointments and to downplay their own worth (3). Depression allows teenagers to sink into ideals that everything is hopeless and there is no reason for trying to fix their lives.

Drugs and Alcohol

Teens who abuse drugs or alcohol are at more risk to commit suicide. Alcohol and some drugs can cause depressive effects on the brain (4). The depressive effects of these drugs and alcohol can intensify a depression that a teen already has as well. Not only do drugs and alcohol have depressive effects on a teen's brain, but also impair their judgment about risks and solutions to problems (5).

Other Reasons Teens Commit Suicide

Teens may commit suicide for other reasons as well. Maybe a teen has known a family member or friend who has committed suicide, or has been influenced by the media that suicide is a common or normal approach to solving seemingly impossible problems (6). For teens that do not plan their suicide, the end of their life may be a result of something as simple as the means (a gun or pills) being present at the exact moment of their desperation.

Help

Whatever the reason may be for a teen taking his life, it is never an acceptable one. Many teen suicides could have been prevented if the lines of communication were open between a teen and someone who cared about them. If you suspect that your teen is depressed or contemplating suicide, you must treat their feelings of desperation with the utmost respect.

8:08 AM by SOOCH · 0

Are you in love? And what you should do about it?

First, you need to understand the difference between infatuation, lust, and love. This love is not the family love or the friend love, where you love someone who is related to you or close to you, this is the strongly emotional love that comes when finding a partner to share points of your life. What follows are loose definitions of infatuation, lust and love. 

• Infatuation: this is when you worship someone to the point where you cannot concentrate on anything else. There are various levels of infatuation, but anytime something is monopolizing all your time, it cannot be healthy. 
• Lust: this is when you want someone just sexually. Teens go through a lot of sexual changes and sometimes you will be attracted to someone sexually, but don't let it be the only reason you are attracted. 
• Love: this is when both parties feel they are attracted to each other and are willing to work hard to be together. Being in love is different for most every teen in the world. However, if you are in love you should be interested in the other teen's feelings and enjoy doing many different activities together. There are usually strong feelings attached with love, you may feel connected, spiritual, joy, and other like emotions.

A good test of love is to see the teen you are attracted to in many different situations. Do physical activities like hiking and swimming. Work together on a service project. Try out new foods together. Go shopping. Work on homework together. These and similar ideas can help you find out if you are in love and if the teen is worthy of your love.

Dating is a good step in determining if you are in love. If you feel pressure or unsafe, stop immediately. However if you have fun and find our that you both share many interests and hobbies, keep dating.

So if you are love, keep trust in your relationship. Talk about things that bother you, and discuss how your relationship is progressing. If you get into fights, keep communication open so as to overcome any frustrations or misunderstandings. Ask a lot of questions to find out as much as you can. Keep a journal as you someday may want to relive these moments as well as maybe see what you did right and wrong within the relationships. Spend time together to better get to know each other, but also take time for yourself so you can work to make yourself better. Above all, enjoy being in love, stay away things that make your relationship complicated and work hard together to make your relationship strong.

Are You in Love Sources:

• Ezine Articles, Mark Else, "Teen Dating Tips," [online].
• Momsandkids.org, Nickeyea, "Healthy Relationships," [online].
• Teen Dating: Dating for Beginners, "Teen Dating and Teen Love," [online].

8:02 AM by SOOCH · 0

Teenagers! Learn to say no sometime.

Teens may hope that they can always get along with their boy or girlfriend, but conflicts arise in all relationships, and teens need to learn to say no when their boy or girlfriend wants them to do something they're not comfortable with.

All teens needs to say no sometimes, even to people they care about. It can be over something small like saying no to a party or date when you have homework or a job that needs to get done, or over something serious like drugs, alcohol, sex, or other risky activities. Saying no to someone does not mean that you don't like or care about him or her, or that you disrespect him or her; in fact, saying no shows that you respect yourself and the other teen enough to be honest and try to make the best choices. Always saying yes to avoid conflict can have serious consequences, like: 

• Being pressured into things you don't want to do 
• Losing respect for yourself and your boy or girlfriend 
• Being treated unfairly or taken advantage of 
• Feelings of powerlessness, anger, or depression

If you do not feel confident about saying no, it may help to think of your reasons for saying no, and explain them to your boy or girlfriend. This will help him or her understand that you still care about him or her, but need to say no. It may also help to practice saying no. Some things you might say include: 

• "I would like to, but I really have to do _____ instead." 
• "I don't think that would be good for me/us." 
• "I don't want to get in trouble." 
• "I'm not ready for that yet." 
• "I don't feel comfortable doing that." 
• "No thanks; why don't we do _____ instead."

Your boy or girlfriend might be frustrated, annoyed, disappointed, sad, or even angry when you say no, but if they care about you and respect you, they will also respect your decision and won't hold it against you. A person who pressures you to change your mind or holds your choices against you probably doesn't care about you or respect you, and may even be controlling or abusive. An abusive or controlling boy or girlfriend might also: 

• Criticize the way you look, act, or talk 
• Try to control what you do, who you hang out with, or what you look like 
• Yell or put you down in public or private 
• Try to physically control you, including hitting or pushing you or other things 
• Use drugs or alcohol

If your boy or girlfriend does these things, it is best to get away from him or her and find someone else who will care about you and treat you with respect. A person who tries to pressure you into things you don't want to do or control you is bad for your self-esteem, and can be dangerous if they continue to try to control you. Develop a healthy respect for yourself and others, and you will be able to have happy, healthy relationships.

7:58 AM by SOOCH · 0

Unlock your questions about life, success, love, relation.

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6:27 AM by SOOCH · 0